Are you struggling in your relationships?
There are billions of people living on this beautiful lush planet. Each person has a slightly different vibration. However, you will be drawn to only a fraction of the world’s population. You’ve probably felt an intense familiarity that draws you to another. Some of these encounters are easy and warm your heart! You feel a deep connectedness with the other person. Some people make you feel the complete opposite, and their energy causes you discomfort and even makes you tearful. Many people seeking relationship advice want to understand the other party’s behaviours. Is the problem the other person or you? Who do you think needs to work on themselves? Who is responsible for resolving conflicts in any given situation? Are you ready to learn how to manoeuvre difficult relationships with confidence and awareness?
What is the root of your problem?
The human mind is designed to improve, protect, respond, and react to external stimulation. You assimilate these experiences through all your senses and then attach thoughts and feelings to the events. The negative or positive assumptions you make about yourself and others become embedded commands and reactions to future occurrences of the same nature.
For example,
Let’s say, in your childhood you had a negative experience with a clown. Every time you see a clown, all the thoughts and feelings you formed in early childhood will resurface.
The other equation to problems within relationships is rooted deeper. Mimicking attitudes passed down through generations unconsciously forms your foundation. For example, if abuse and alcoholism run in your family system, there is a higher percentage that you will repeat these patterns in some way. People in authoritative positions leave the greatest imprints on the psyche such as parents, grandparents, extended family, and teachers.
If these powerful stamps are left unresolved, you will continue to be drawn to traumas or attract people with similar backgrounds. This is often called trauma bonds.
Alike attracts Alike!
How do you undo negative patterns?
Advancements in Psychology and scientific discoveries prove behaviours and diseases are passed down through generations. You can switch damaging inherited epigenetics on and off using several great holistic mindset tools such as Family Constellations, NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), and even Reiki. Of course, willpower and motivation to constantly improve is handy.
Tips on how to manage relationship problems
Even a person with high emotional intelligence can falter and be unaware of their unconscious habitual behaviours. We love to guide others but rarely adhere to our own advice. Self-healing is a long road and often uneasy. On the other side awaits a life filled with happier times and enlightenment.
Many people will never invest in the path to self-discovery. They are not ready to rummage through their psyche and soul for the painful answers to their perceived misery. Maybe because they are content with the status quo. The most important factor in healing any relationship dynamic is to understand your role, behaviours, and fears. Preoccupation with the other person is a revolving door to repeating patterns.
Try this exercise
Think about someone who is creating tension in your life. Now, sit back, take a few deep breaths, and relax.
Ask your subconscious mind the following questions. To make this exercise easier, record the below questions and play them one at a time. Give yourself time to answer each question.
What are you not doing that you need to do?
Who are you not being?
What do you need to start doing that you are not doing?
When will you make the changes that you need to make?
Do you not want to make changes?
Naturally, you are drawn to people with similar vibes or stories. When you comprehend the ingrained familiarity, you will consciously find answers to your current dissatisfactions.
For example, my father’s physical abuse was apparent. My mother’s abuse was psychological. She cleverly disguised emotional and financial blackmail to manipulate and control me. It took me decades to decipher and release her hold on me. The deeper I plunged into my spiritual self-healing and my suicidal tendencies, the more I sourced the roots of my despair. This is when Pluto entered my second house and turned me inside out and upside down.
In the early 2010s, among all the people that lived on my street, a neighbour befriended me. I later discovered he was an abusive alcoholic. I wanted to understand his unkind acts and unhealthy life choices. He was one of my biggest teachers. I realised I had it backwards. Whether I was in this person’s life or not, he was going to behave how he saw fit and reacted to life through his own wounds.
Finally, I began asking the right questions and focused my attention on ME!
Why am I attracted to this pain?
How do I heal my wounds?
What can I do to never live through abuse again?
My past dictated my present problems and held me back from flourishing. It wasn’t until my Master NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) training that I fully understood and could release others’ powerful grip on my soul and mind! Daily, I use NLP to reverse damaging despondency. I catch and cancel belittling beliefs.
Self-healing is a process and a journey that should be explored at your own pace. All the answers you need are inside of you.
Tips to Better Relationships
Own your mistakes
Honesty builds trust and allows the other person a chance to make decisions about what is right for them in the relationship with you.
Be conscious of your wounds
Actively knowing your thoughts and feelings can prevent you from projecting your hurt onto others and be empowering when interacting with others.
Exercise compassion
This is a two-way street. Be kind to yourself and the other person, however, don’t be a doormat.
Healthy Boundaries
Rules help everyone manage their expectations. Know what you value in relationships and expect from others. Maybe they can’t meet your expectations. Can you meet each other halfway?
Acceptance
Accept the other person where they are on their journey and don’t push them further when they resist change work. Meet the other person where they are and not where you want them to be.
Communicate
Listening is key to learning more about what another person needs for themselves and from you. This crucial part of building rapport is often missed because we are too invested in getting our own needs met.
Are relationships challenging? Or are they pushing you to heal open wounds? Vulnerability is uncomfortable. You can’t always protect yourself or control how others will receive your needs. If you express your truths with an open heart and mind, you will learn new ways of working through your problems when dealing with others and help everyone be cordial.
Sending Love,
Nita
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Much Love,
Nita
